i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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