Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
