My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
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it's great music for shaving your balls
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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