You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
