i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
