I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
