if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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