erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
