I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
