her vagine was all disorganized.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
