remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
