No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
