A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
