Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
