he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
