sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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