She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
