If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize