Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder