I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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