I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS