I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.