well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
handjob tips. give me some.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.