Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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