I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We are two peas in an std pod
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?