Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?