sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
