I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
