I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
