Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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