there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
