There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
