Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
