i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
