My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
