The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
