let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize