Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
