pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
