Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
