i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
