i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
