Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
