No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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