Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
