No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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