so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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