So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants