i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
