You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
