cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
