adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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