I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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