Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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