why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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