what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
