I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
