I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
