I cannot find my penis.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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