You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
