you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
