stop calling my apartment porn island.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
