saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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