'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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