We won't sleep together?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
