He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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