but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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