Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
