Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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