11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm at about main and main street
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
